a messy house and mommy guilt
I really have nothing. Blogtober is getting harder. Whose idea was this anyway?
My house is so messy lately. It drives me crazy that I'm here all day (when I'm not at nursery school, diaper gym, kindergarten, grocery shopping, the library program, entertaining other mommies, etc.) and yet I feel like I don't have the home I want.
There are so many things that I have on my list of projects, tasks and things I want to get done here "soon." You'd think that since I don't have a "job" I shouldn't have any trouble keeping my house in show home condition. I'd love to. I've been meaning for a week and a half now to clean up all the flat surfaces (you know, counter tops, dresser tops, tv stand, etc.), to clean out the flower beds, maybe run the vacuum more often. I have boxes of Jordan's hand-me-down clothes to sort out and find winter outfits for Elliot, but I haven't done that. I want to finish my spring cleaning, purging and sorting. My windows are all reachable by all the little hands and desperately need a wash. My walls from 3 feet down have crayon on them, despite the fact that I have the crayon buckets seven feet up where the kids can't reach them. Mitchie can always find one, or a piece of one, somewhere. Have you seen the grass here? It's getting longer again.
There is always so much, always some distraction, always something for me to do here. Then there are the times when I want to sit here and play scrabble, or facebook for a while. Those moments of rest help keep me sane. Then I feel guilty that I haven't cleaned the bathroom yet this week. When I do get serious for a few days in a row and get right on top of everything I feel guilty because I haven't spent any quality time with the kids.
Is there any winning? Really?
If you come to my house for a visit, be it planned or unplanned, could you kindly ignore the finger prints on the windows and the cheerios on the floor?
Then there are the leisure activities I've been doing. I think in the last couple of years that I've let any hobbies or interests go in favor of doing kid stuff, and being a little broke. Lately I have friends that have encouraged me to join a Zumba (dance aerobics) class, and a boot camp class. I've also been running and walking. I'm really enjoying these things.
Again, guilt. Of course I should be at home tucking the kids in, and entertaining my husband, or mopping the floor, or weeding flower beds. I shouldn't be out, having fun and doing something just for me while my poor hubby is at home suffering through bath-time alone.
Not that he says he suffers. But you know how woman/mommy/wife guilt works - even if he doesn't say it, he must be annoyed. And even if he doesn't yell, he must be just a little mad that I'm taking advantage of his being at home to do these things away from home.
I try to think of things I should drop, to make more time for the things I should be doing. I tell myself that if I took a few days and banned myself from the computer that it would help for sure. If I didn't watch tv while breastfeeding I'd pay more attention to the kids, because, you know, I can do so many things while nursing. I'm a girl, I'm supposed to multi-task to the max.
Sometimes I remind myself that I don't expect other women in my life to be perfect. I don't expect my friends to have dust free homes when I visit, I don't care if my mom's lawn isn't always cut to the quick (which it is, go mom!), I don't expect my grandma to forgo any self-time. I don't think less of my aunties if the breakfast dishes are still on the counter at supper time. I don't care if your kid found a crayon and displayed it all over the walls. I don't think you're a bad mommy if your kids play outside all afternoon and you're not out there building sand castles with them.
Why is it so hard to cut myself some slack sometimes?
Do you find you have the same trouble?
My house is so messy lately. It drives me crazy that I'm here all day (when I'm not at nursery school, diaper gym, kindergarten, grocery shopping, the library program, entertaining other mommies, etc.) and yet I feel like I don't have the home I want.
There are so many things that I have on my list of projects, tasks and things I want to get done here "soon." You'd think that since I don't have a "job" I shouldn't have any trouble keeping my house in show home condition. I'd love to. I've been meaning for a week and a half now to clean up all the flat surfaces (you know, counter tops, dresser tops, tv stand, etc.), to clean out the flower beds, maybe run the vacuum more often. I have boxes of Jordan's hand-me-down clothes to sort out and find winter outfits for Elliot, but I haven't done that. I want to finish my spring cleaning, purging and sorting. My windows are all reachable by all the little hands and desperately need a wash. My walls from 3 feet down have crayon on them, despite the fact that I have the crayon buckets seven feet up where the kids can't reach them. Mitchie can always find one, or a piece of one, somewhere. Have you seen the grass here? It's getting longer again.
There is always so much, always some distraction, always something for me to do here. Then there are the times when I want to sit here and play scrabble, or facebook for a while. Those moments of rest help keep me sane. Then I feel guilty that I haven't cleaned the bathroom yet this week. When I do get serious for a few days in a row and get right on top of everything I feel guilty because I haven't spent any quality time with the kids.
Is there any winning? Really?
If you come to my house for a visit, be it planned or unplanned, could you kindly ignore the finger prints on the windows and the cheerios on the floor?
Then there are the leisure activities I've been doing. I think in the last couple of years that I've let any hobbies or interests go in favor of doing kid stuff, and being a little broke. Lately I have friends that have encouraged me to join a Zumba (dance aerobics) class, and a boot camp class. I've also been running and walking. I'm really enjoying these things.
Again, guilt. Of course I should be at home tucking the kids in, and entertaining my husband, or mopping the floor, or weeding flower beds. I shouldn't be out, having fun and doing something just for me while my poor hubby is at home suffering through bath-time alone.
Not that he says he suffers. But you know how woman/mommy/wife guilt works - even if he doesn't say it, he must be annoyed. And even if he doesn't yell, he must be just a little mad that I'm taking advantage of his being at home to do these things away from home.
I try to think of things I should drop, to make more time for the things I should be doing. I tell myself that if I took a few days and banned myself from the computer that it would help for sure. If I didn't watch tv while breastfeeding I'd pay more attention to the kids, because, you know, I can do so many things while nursing. I'm a girl, I'm supposed to multi-task to the max.
Sometimes I remind myself that I don't expect other women in my life to be perfect. I don't expect my friends to have dust free homes when I visit, I don't care if my mom's lawn isn't always cut to the quick (which it is, go mom!), I don't expect my grandma to forgo any self-time. I don't think less of my aunties if the breakfast dishes are still on the counter at supper time. I don't care if your kid found a crayon and displayed it all over the walls. I don't think you're a bad mommy if your kids play outside all afternoon and you're not out there building sand castles with them.
Why is it so hard to cut myself some slack sometimes?
Do you find you have the same trouble?
Comments
And I'm not even a mommy yet.
Why aren't men plagued with the same thing?