Showing posts from May, 2014

wipe your own bum. or maybe don't...

Elliot: (from "somewhere" down the hall) Can someone wipe my bum!
Me: (from the living room) Hang on!
Elliot: Wipe my bum RIGHT NOW.
Me: Excuse me?
Elliot: Excuse me?
Me: You are being very rude.
Elliot: You are being very rude.
Me: I'm gonna spank you!
Elliot: I'm gonna spank you!

A short recess while I realize my across-the-house threats and scolding are not very, well, threatening.

Elliot: Wipe! My! Bum!
Me: In a sec.

I fire up another game of solitaire on the computer.

Elliot: WIPE MY BUM!

I finish the game. I head to the bathroom. The princess is sitting happily grinning at me from her throne.

Me: You are not being very nice.
Elliot: I like you!
Me: Yeah. That's because I'm nice.

Superior parenting happens in my house in a moment by moment basis.

I always figure if I dawdle she'll be more eager to start looking after her own toileting. I think usually she just gives up and leaves, sans wiping.

Actually no, I shouldn't say she always does. The other day she wen…