hello from portage

I've now been living in Portage for a month! It's funny how badly I wanted to move here, and now that I'm here I'm really torn. I miss my home in Winnipeg. Steven and I were so excited when we bought it, and finally were able to move our little daughter into a room of her own. We picked out colors, had our floors done, changed light fixtures, and much more. We were even there for the entire pregnancy with Tennyson, and he was born in that house! After a year of being there it really really felt like home. This place doesn't yet. I don't even know why really.

It's funny how we change over time. The biggest change in me is how my wants have changed regarding working and family. I was so excited to get my degree and become a teacher, to make a difference, and "be somebody," if that makes any sense. I have always said that women should work and contribute financially to the home so they wouldn't have to ask for money or feel subservient to their husbands. Now I spend long days at home with my kids and they frustrate me and drive me crazy sometimes, and yet I love them so much. I'd do anything for them. I'd love to scrap all this career stuff and just be here with them. Tennyson is really starting to develop a little personality, and all I have to do is look at him and smile and he grins from ear to ear. Jordan is my little wild child, and she knows how to push my buttons. She's so stubborn and willful, and when she wants something she'll stop at nothing to have it. She jumps on my furniture, and pulls apart my cupboards, and today she squirted me with Tilex. She's been pooping her pants lately, which is really fun to clean up. But oh how I love her, I love everything about her. I love how she hugs and kisses me at any time during the day, and how she flops herself down on the couch when being chased and her curls flop all over and her eyes dance with mischief and her little teeth peek out when she's smiling so big. I love how when I cry she hugs me and says "It's okay Mummy, it's alright." I love when Steven comes home and she races to the door and throws herself around his legs and makes our family so complete. Our home is so brimming with love and hope and happiness, even when I'm being squirted with Tilex and cleaning poo out of little panties. I can't wait to see what she's like at 3 and 4, and what kind of little boy Tennyson will be at 2. I like staying home and getting ready to see Steven and looking after my kids, and being the glue that keeps this all together. I love feeling loved, and needed, and wanted by my husband and my babies.

It's funny, I'm sitting here with tears in my eyes, and now I'm laughing because I can hear Jordan (who's supposed to be napping) singing "I know you" from her Sleeping Beauty movie. This stuff never stops. And maybe I'm selfish, and I don't want to share these kid days with babysitters. I want this for myself, everyone else can go have their own kids! lol.

Comments

Q&L said…
There's no job worth enough money that would near their invaluable love. They're adorable.
September 7, 2007 at 3:01 PM
Q&L said…
and yes, you did make me cry. good job.
September 7, 2007 at 3:01 PM
Sonya said…
Yay! A new post! I totally, 100%, understand this post! Kids sure can change a person's perspective hey?
September 8, 2007 at 10:36 PM
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