a long day

Do you ever get where there's big things going on but you just can't really talk or blog about them? That's how I'm feeling lately. I feel overwhelmed by things right now and can't bring myself to go into detail. Maybe it's because as much as I get somewhat personal on here about mushy stuff or kid stuff, I can't really get really personal. You know?

I've always been one of those "strong" people. I've been told how strong I am numerous times in my life.

I hate it. Don't say it. I actually fight tears when I'm told that. You know what a strong woman is? One who is expert at hiding everything. It's not someone who isn't bothered by anything, it's someone who just doesn't show it.

I know I should have loads of happy little daily anecdotes on here, but I'm having a hard time finding the humorous quirky little writing voice lately. I could give you facts and dates and tales of the things my kids say, but it's really probably not that exciting if there isn't some sort of entertaining writing tone.

I should also take pictures. I kind of feel bad that Elliot's last few weeks have been largely undocumented. Ever notice that the kids born after the first kid have far fewer pictures, baby book entries, etc. than that first kid? It's not a favoritism thing. It's a tired as all heck thing. When I'm not in the kitchen slapping together pb&j sandwiches I'm laying on the couch and breastfeeding and dozing off while the older kids wreak havoc on my house.

Little stinkers.

I'm having mommy guilt lately. Isn't that how this motherhood gig is set up? Be everything to everyone or you're somehow ruining their tender childhoods. But I do feel bad. I feel like I'm so irritated and short tempered, probably due to a certain amount of sleep debt, and that the kids aren't seeing the softer side of mommy these days. I'm sure they want her back, I know I do.

Comments

Ange said…
Hey girl, if you need anything at all, please let me know. I know how tiring it is, especially after a brand new baby. So if I can help you out in any way, just let me know. I can even come hang out with the kids while you have a nap if you'd like, or just bring them over here. Love ya.
August 4, 2010 at 10:03 PM
Q&L said…
oh poop. i can relate to the guilt thing, happens to me with just one, i can't imagine with 3+1. Guess I don't have much to say, I can pray that you'll be able to prioritize your day, so that the kids will get their Mommy time and the "chores" that need to get done, get done. Lately, there have been a lot of days i pray in the morning that God can help me with prioritizing my day and at the end of those days, it always seems like it was a good day, well balanced. hmmm...strange how that works. :)
August 5, 2010 at 10:23 PM
Pammie Joy said…
Thank you for your honesty. I think motherhood is THE hardest job on the planet and I honestly don't know how people do it. You have every right to be tired! Good grief!

Its so refreshing to hear someone who is willing to be honest about how they feel when times get tough. Expressing your feelings doesn't mean that you can't handle things. it just means that you're stong enough to face reality without the fear of judgement for "doing it wrong". I get really sick of people who sped all their time blowing sunshine up everyone else's butts trying to fool themselves into thinking life is perfect. I mean where did these unrealistic expectations of perpetual happiness and blissful, stressfree parenting come from anyway? Crazy.
August 7, 2010 at 4:40 PM
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