the far side

Ever feel like you have something to blog about? But you don't know what it is? I feel like that.

I feel happy. I know I should just say "I am happy" but who knows what tomorrow will bring? Right now, in this chair, full of heavily chlorinated water (ran out of the bottled stuff), I feel practically ecstatic. No idea why. Maybe it's because I'm so cold and shivery and the shivering is disguising itself as energy and the energy is making me feel like I'm not a tired, dumpy MomWife who didn't get her house cleaned today and should feel guilty about it because her husband worked hard all day and I'm home on long-term vacation.

But I don't. Maybe I should. Maybe you're reading this and thinking - yeah, you with all those kids you wanted and now your husband has to work all those hours to support you while you sit at home and watch Ellen and eat granola bars.

Just so you know, I haven't watched Ellen in at least a week. Those kids are demanding. This vacation is more of an adventure cruise of sorts. It's fun, it's scary, it's tiring.

Anyway, back to the happy stuff.

My kids are great, my husband is great. My husband has been looking awfully sexy lately (so sorry for those of you who may or may not want to know). I don't know what it is. I don't know if he's lost weight or gotten a secret face-lift, or found a girlfriend. I told him he better not ever. EVER. He knows the consequences - I was very graphic.

I'm happy he loves me. He loves me enough to think I was kidding.

Seriously though, he's my best friend. He's the one person I can be totally myself with.

Do you ever feel like you're about 14 different people rolled into one? That you put on different faces for different friends/family/acquaintances? I feel like that a lot. I've felt like that a lot lately. The people in my life are all so different, and I'm different when I'm with different people.

It doesn't feel very authentic. Maybe I lack personal strength. Who knows. Even when I blog I have many different people in mind and I wonder what I can say, what opinions I can reveal without offending anyone. Sometimes I've thought of starting something anonymous, so I can ditch the sensoring (I almost deleted that, because I wondered what people would think I'd sensor. See? I'm hopeless!)

This is all over the place. Remember when I said I felt like I had some sort of post rambling about inside and I wasn't sure what it was? This is what I've come up with. Lucky you. And good for you if you made it this far down!

Comments

Ange said…
Just be yourself, I love you for who you are! And if you do start an anonymous blog you have to let me know. Oh wait, maybe it's me you want to blog about secretly:)
May 17, 2009 at 8:33 AM
Tiffany said…
It's true! I've got pages and pages of blog posts about you and I just can't post them!

Kidding :)
May 17, 2009 at 9:20 AM
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