100 excuses

I don't have my 100 things done. What I do have is 100 reasons why not:

1. I find the idea of sharing 100 things about myself, however personal or impersonal, a little daunting.
2. My fingers cramp after a few dozen entries
3. Nobody really wants to know, you're all just bored!
4. My kids are probably throwing laundry soap around right now.
5. My kids are likely going to crawl around underneath the computer and unplug something, and all my things about myself will be lost, and after having spent so much time on it only to lose it, I'll fall into a self-imposed, depressed slump that'll take me months to snap out of. You wouldn't want me to do that to my kids would you?
6. I can't find the “s” key. There's no way I can continue.
7. Mine won't be as interesting as yours.
8. I'll spend all this time getting to 100, and you'll get even more bored than you already were, and close the window. Then next time I talk to you I'll refer to something that I assume you know, only to discover that you didn't even bother to read it. Then again, slump, depressed, months, yadda yadda.
9. I'm hungry.
10. Thirsty too. Can't work when I'm thirsty.
11. Couldn't find a cup.
12. Haven't done dishes in days, probably where all the cups are. Probably because I've spent so much time working on these things.
13. I'm finding it even more fun to write excuses than writing things about myself. So much so that I haven't (in all honesty) started my “things” list.
14. Jeez, only at 14? This is taking longer than I thought. Expected to be done by now. Speaking of which, where's Tom been lately? Not posting my list until he does!
15. Company's coming over. Must clean.
16. Did I mention the messy house?
17. Laundry
18. Dusting
19. TV watching. Ooops, how did that get in there?
20. Vacuuming. Or, sweet talking the husband into vacuuming for me.
21. Cutting my toenails.
22. Fingernails
23. Toe/Fingernails of three children. You'd be surprised how much they grow when you don't pay attention for a while!
24. Cleaning bathrooms.
25. Sweeping
26. Mopping
27. Cleaning up mop water that the kids slopped around while trying to help while I wasn't looking.
28. Looking
29. Organizing pictures.
30. Putting library books from the kitchen counter into my bedroom.
31. Doing the loopyloo with the kids. They got great CDs for Christmas!
32. Dishes
33. Scrubbing down high chairs.
34. Laughing at husband as he mops the side of the cupboards. Did I mention that he's an awesome cleaning helper when he's at home? Hope he knows how much I appreciate him.
35. Admiring the husband's good looks.
36. Tending to Jordan's huge, puffy, bloody lip.
37. The computer is downstairs. The kids are upstairs.
38. The laptop is turned the wrong way. Too much glare from the dining room windows, too lazy to turn it around. That would also involve moving a chair, and the high chair is in the way.
39. Did I mention that I own two high chairs? The second one needs cleaning too!
40. Shoveling snow.
41. Pretending that I had a hand in shoveling snow. Who am I kidding, I didn't get married so that I can shovel snow.
42. Errands
43. Renewing my autopac. Apparently I was uninsured for a whole day!
44. Picking up a second digital box (on sale for $29!) so I could set up my rec room downstairs to be more hang-out friendly. Not that I'm going to let the kids watch tons more tv because of it. I held off on turning it on today until well after lunch! It's now 2:20pm and Jordan is sitting beside me in the dining room colouring. Talk about parenting!
45. Groceries.
46. At some point I have to make pizza.
47. Hug those kids. I'd hate for them to think I loved the 100 things about myself more than them!
48. Feeding baby
49. Burping baby
50. changing baby
51. peeling baby out of a poopy sleeper and wiping poo off his legs, back, etc. “Mommy” is a glamorous job!
52. Hey, more than half done! Kissing husband. Don't tell him I used it as an excuse, he'll expect more of it to help it qualify.
53. Kissing husband for real. He just read #52 and got ideas.
54. Shoving husband away.
55. More kissing to alleviate hurt feelings.
56. Singing B-I-N-G-O with Jordan.
57. Leafing through fliers.
58. Throwing fliers in the recycling.
59. Sighing as husband retrieves fliers to peruse himself. I need to supervise, lest he get any shopping ideas. You know how it is. I tried. I even threw them in the bin when he wasn't looking.
60. Can't think of a 60^th excuse.
61. Contemplating writer's block.
62. Scolding Jordan for peeling all the paper off her crayons. Now I'm screwed next time I'm looking for carnation pink.
63. Adjusting the water tank on the water cooler. Steven always puts it on just a little crooked.
64. Musing over the fact that Lyla will get to read all these, and we KNOW that she isn't working on one. She's a bit of a slacker.
65. Musing over the root of the nickname “Slacker” for Lyla. She knows it's true, but she'll argue and laugh and slap her legs as she denies it.
66. Laughing at Lyla.
67. Wishing that I had been more on the ball when I bumped into Candice at WalMart. Sonya had commented that she should have come for a “McSomething” with them, and I did a mental head-slap. I had Candice right there, in front of me! I was so flustered. I looked up, and Candice, Quebec Candice, was standing right in front of me. I almost forgot my own name, never mind being cool enough to say “Hey, you guys have 20 minutes for a coffee?” But nooooo, not thinking that day.
68. Making a mental note that next time Candice comes out and I bump into her in WalMart that I should definitely bully her into a coffee. Or better yet, she should let us all know when she's coming again, and on her way from Winnipeg to Dauphin she should stop in Portage somewhere, and Ange, Sonya, Lyla and I can all meet up with her (and Tom too, don't feel left out!) and have a coffee together. Even if it has to be a short one! How cool would that be? Pretty cool. Sorry for my absentmindedness Candice!
69. Trying again to convince Jordan to stop peeling her crayons.
70. Stopping to check if anyone blogged anything new.
71. Nope.
72. Spider Solitaire
73. Email
74. Typer Shark
75. Brief mental block again. Amazing that I get anything done around here.
76. Thinking about the house across the street that's for sale. Maybe one of you should move into it.
77. Distracted by dust. Apparently my dusting leaves a little to be desired. But how can you blame me? Can't dust around all this junk.
78. Again with the crayons. I really don't want to take them away from her and ruin our togetherness, but I really don't want her ruining the crayons either! Alright. I give up. They're her crayons. I'll buy my own crayons and not share, even when she says “but Mommy, friends share,” which she says any time she wants to take something from someone.
79. Now I have to read the names of the colours to her. I pointed it out and now she wants to know them. Wild tangerine, forest green, crayola (not a colour name), purple pizzazz – see how cool the colour names are? Wild blue yonder, pine green, timberwolf, burnt orange, burnt sienna, olive green, wisteria, vivid tangerine or tandernine as Jordan says. I love the names of crayons. I wish I was more artistic
80. Thinking of things that should be on the lists of others. Does everyone know that Sonya has a real artistic streak? You should have seen some of the things she used to paint, draw, etc. in high school. She should either start it up again or write a list of excuses as to why she doesn't.
81. Explaining to Jordan why snapping her crayons in half is NOT NICE.
82. Neither is using them to hit yourself.
83. Cleaning up crayons
84. Talking on the phone
85. Planning dinner
86. cooking dinner
87. serving dinner
88. cleaning up dinner
89. digesting dinner
90. cleaning up toys
91. bathing kids
92. drying kids
93. combing hair
94. jammying kids
95. story time
96. tucking in
97. hugging, kissing, I love you's
98. chasing Jordan back into her bedroom.
99. Wishing they'd stay little forever, despite everything.
100. Snuggling up with my favorite person in the world.