teething reprieve

Elliot's day has gotten no better. She followed me around forever, wanting up, then down, then up, then milk, then no milk, then a snack she didn't eat - all the while crying and screaming for some kind of help that I just can't give.

I tried again to give her some tylenol, only to have her spit it out. I laid her down on my lap. Keep in mind she is screaming this whole time. I squirted some into her mouth. She gagged, coughed and spit a bunch out, and then gagged some more, panicking and looking at me like she knew that I was secretly trying to off her (which I totally wasn't, just in case you're wondering), and gagged and sputtered and began screaming anew. I kind of yelled "I don't know what you want! I can't help you if you won't take your medicine!" This just made her cry harder, her cheeks glowing redder, tears streaming down her face and pools of snot running over her lips and onto her chin. I angrily wiped the slimy, sticky medicine from the front of her face and her neck and in between the creases of her baby chins.

Then I stormed down the hall and put her in the crib and shut her bedroom door before I could get my baby-shake on.

She screamed in there for a while. It seems mean, but I seriously didn't know what to do, and I had tried everything from medicine to a cold wet cloth, to carrying, to feeding, to bottling.

I could feel my inner coil winding ever-tighter. It was better for both of us for her to scream in there, away from my ankles for a while. She's now fallen asleep. Blessed Blessed Sleep.

I feel mean, like I failed her, and she probably thinks I don't care that her little face hurts. I'm sure raising my voice at her didn't help. Poor baby.

Comments

Candice said…
Tiffany, your willingness to be honest and vulnerable about caring for a baby has helped me SO much in my own walk. One frustrating day in particular I yelled at my sweet, innocent (crying, whining, over-tired baby who REFUSED to nap without my raw nipple to chew on) to 'GET TO SLEEP ALREADY!!'. Yeah, that didn't help. He screamed harder, now because his mommy, the person he trustes most in the whole world, scared him. I started down the "I'm a failure as a mommy!" path and beating myself up for it, but then stopped and remembered your honest post about yelling at the baby. I didn't shake him, I didn't hurt him. I yelled because I lost my cool. And that's COMPLETELY okay. It happens to the best of them (apparently, thanks for sharing!).

I say, GOOD FOR YOU for doing what you did. If that's what it takes to offer a safe environment to your little one, than so be it. I wish I could be as honest as you and blog about it afterwards, so other stay at home parents don't feel like shut-in failures because they too lost their cool. It happens.

Elliot loves you to pieces and she *knows* that you love her too.
Stephanie said…
Those days totally suck! You are doing an awesome job and she absolutely knows that you love her. Sometimes they just need some space to cry themselves to sleep. Doesn't make it any easier on you though.

Hope tomorrow is better for you!
Tiffany said…
You guys are WAY too nice. Making me a little teary. Way to go.

Unfortunately, mommies are human too. :)

That's just it - I was at my absolute wit's end and I had been at it all day with the crying and the refusal of medicine, and I just really needed some separation from her before I really lost my cool.

I'm hoping today will be better!
Hes said…
We all TOTALLY get it. Hang in there. Tomorrows a new day.

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