On the Kraft "cheese sauce" Packet:

Um, yeah, I might have seen it on the shelf. No, this is not it. This is original Kraft Dinner. With its original powdered cheese-flavored sauce.

But thanks for making me feel worse about my already-guilty-pleasure. If I was concerned with servings of vegetables I wouldn't be feeding the kids Kraft Dinner.

Do I want you to put cauliflower in it? No.

Fiber? No.

Trying to take a heavily processed, nutritionally vacant product and make it healthy? Not working. So don't wreck it.


Steven at MacDonald's (not that we ever actually end up there):

"Hey, that's a delicious looking big mac you're eating. The nutritional value is right here on the back of the place mat. Wanna know how many calories are in that?"

"No." Take giant bite.

"No really it says right here..." Begins to tell me the number anyway.

I slam down my delicious hamburger "No! I said no! I do not want to know.! Really? Really Steven? We eat here, what, three times a year? I am having a big mac, I want to enjoy my big mac. DON'T TELL ME! DO NOT RUIN THIS MOMENT!"

"8 million calories."

"Jerk. Thanks. Thanks a lot."


Popular posts from this blog

happy new year

christmas letter in september, but only because it's been so damn long

happy friday