potty training, kid 3, round 1

Or maybe, as a friend and I discussed earlier, it may be easier to just leave him in diapers until he's interested in girls. Maybe then he'll decide it's a little uncouth to shit ones pants. Or maybe his girlfriend will oh-so-gently take him by the hand and tell him what to do. Either way, it would relieve me of the ultimate annoyance that potty training brings.

I hate potty training. Wait, we don't say that word around here, let me rephrase. I have an intense dislike of potty training. I know, I'm a mommy of 5.5 years now and I should be at peace with all types of stuff that the young human body produces.

It is not so.

Tennyson threw up on the carpet in the basement last Thursday. I probably made more noise cleaning it up than he did producing it. I felt badly after, because he was all sad and apologetic and thought I was mad at him. How does one tell a three year old that no, you are not mad at him, you are mad at the situation. Can't be done. I told him that Mommy is a bit of a baby when it comes to getting barf on her hands and that she was not mad at him, but actually concerned for him and sad that he was sick. He may have bought it, but only because I was really sincere and gave him lots of hugs and kisses, despite avoiding having him kiss me back, at least on the lips. He's a lip kisser.

He was also really good at getting subsequent rounds into a handy ice-cream pail.

Mitchell is not so good at getting anything into anything. He threw up all over his bed a few times the other night. It was gross. I used my own waning illness to dodge most of the grossness, instead letting Steven deal with it.

Early this morning I told Mitchie that he needed a new diaper before he could have breakfast. He ran to his room and assumed the position on the floor, while staring up at me expectantly. I was just about the change his diaper when I thought better of it, put him in a pull-up, and told him that today was the day he was going to start going potty.

Our "success" so far has been limited:

• I put him on the potty. Nothing.
• I put him on the potty 15 minutes later. I read him a book. Still nothing.
• I gave him cereal and milk and a banana and put him back on the potty. I read the same book again. Zilch. Except for a wet pull-up.
• Potty, book, nothing.
• Potty, book, nothing. Wetter pull-up.
• I asked Tennyson to come and sit on the little potty and pee to show Mitchie how the whole thing would go down. Tennyson giggled like crazy and said no. I told him he had to. He said Okay, but as long as nobody laughed at him. He peed in the potty.
• I put Mitchie on. Nothing.
• Ten minutes later Tennyson calls from the bathroom for someone to wipe his bum. I never know who he thinks his options are, since I'm the only one here. I go to aid him. He's sitting over a big steaming log on the training potty. I should mention that without the usual cover of toilet water his crap smelled really really bad. Really. I scolded him, and then told Mitchie to come and see Tennyson's poop. Mitchie was not adequately awed and sold on the idea, even after watching us drop it into the big toilet and flush it away, because I set him on the potty right after and again, nothing.
• After lunch I put him to bed 45 minutes early, just to take a break from trying to get something to happen in the potty.

When Jordan and Tennyson were younger than Mitchell is now, they actually wanted to go on the potty. They weren't trained overnight, but the desire was there. I have no idea what to do with Mitchie. I'm still thinking that with those big beautiful baby blues that his girlfriend will be willing to undertake this task for me someday.