yes, another poop story from the verwey chronicles

I remember years ago overhearing my mom and her friends complain about hanging out with parents of young children and having to listen to stories of puke, sleepless nights and the colour of their babies poo. I get it. Hearing about the bodily functions of someone elses kids all the time gets tedious, especially if you're not currently in that phase in your own parenthood.

That being said - this post is about poo. If you don't like it you can happily click out of here now.

I'll admit, I'm somewhat relaxed about certain aspects of parenting. I don't always leap up to race down the hall each time Elliot wets her diaper. In fact, yesterday the little princess wandered by me in the living room and I got a definite whiff of something nasty emanating from her pants. I confess, I casually called Steven to find out when he would be home. He was on his way, and told me he'd be here in less than ten minutes. Fast forward those ten minutes and daddy comes home to hug his children, noticed the stink and changes the diaper.

Score.

Karma.

I paid for it this morning. For all I know, Steven set it up to happen.

I was lounging in bed, listening to the kids play. It's spring break, after all, there's no rush. Eventually I wandered down the hall. All four of them were up, and someone had already sprung Elliot from her cell. She was whining for food and trying to get into her diaper bag. She's convinced she could fend for herself in this house if she could only have full access to the snacks in that bag. I put some bread in the toaster. I tossed Elliot in the high chair. She was mildly stinky, but she was already yanking on my hands and trying to drag me to the fridge so I figured I should probably just feed her first and then change her diaper and get her dressed after.

I fed the kids, drank some coffee, checked my facebook and then took Elliot out of the high chair and carried her down the hall. I noticed that her bottom was quite wet. She sometimes soaks through a diaper at night - especially when I let her drink multiple servings of milk at supper the night before. I laid her on Jordan's bed and grabbed the diaper and the wipes and turned around and actually looked at my baby.

There was a huge lump in her sleeper around her left ankle. At first  I wondered how she had managed to shove something all the way down there, and then it dawned on me - it was her diaper.

You know those super-fun mushy poos that are only made more fun when a kid is teething, and even more fun still when that same kid ate the full recommended doses of pain medicine the day and night before? Yes, that poo. You know the one. It seems her diaper had unstuck itself on one side and managed to slide it's way down from her waist to her foot, leaving it's contents spread from her hips to her bum all the way down her leg and into the foot of her pajamas. I set her in the tub before peeling the jammies off. There was poop all over her lower half, and in both legs and all up the back of her sleeper. And not just a little smear. Nope. Massive amounts of poop. It's amazing how one little toddler can hold and expel such an amount of feces.

Needless to say, although at first Elliot was scared of the chunks of poop floating around the tub as I rinsed her off, once we got everything rinsed away and she got to have a short bath, it made her morning the best morning ever - you know, with an extra surprise bath time and all.

The best time for me was definitely not the part where I had to turn the sleeper inside out with my previously-clean hands and get all that caked-in shit out of it.

The joys of motherhood.

Comments

Anonymous said…
Made me laugh out loud.
Ange said…
So funny!!! At least for us to read, maybe not so much for you in that moment.

Thanks for the laugh!!!
Patkau Life said…
I have been sick the past couple of days....this made my day....
I was laughing so hard I was crying.

thanks a lot.

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